The Christmas presents you kids never got

Many years ago when Daniel was a baby and I was washing dishes a nice looking Mercedes Benz pulled into our driveway and a lady came to our door to let us know she had Christmas presents for the kids.  I did not answer the door but I heard her say why she was here and without thinking about it I heard myself shout NO! WE DON'T WANT THEM! She left quickly and I and my anger were left to a house of disappointed children who probably were wondering what they just missed and a frustrated wife who wondered why I should care where the presents come from as long as the kids get some.  It had been a tough year financially.  The normally abundant overtime at work was unexpectedly shut off completely and the discount tuition at the Christian school was unexpectedly replaced with full cost tuition both just in time for Christmas.  As the payer of the bills, I found myself with enough money to pay the bills but not enough left to buy groceries and definitely not enough to buy Christmas presents.  This was hard to take, I had a good job and it paid well but we had stretched our budget to the max and when things got tight it just snapped.  I was already feeling bad about getting food from food pantries and had been arguing with Sandy about getting on the WIC program (Women with Infant Children) because to me it smacked of welfare and we were not that destitute.  I can be blamed for being too proud here and probably I deserve that criticism but I didn't care and still don't.   I think it is better to be too proud than not proud enough.  Anyway sorry about the lost Christmas presents, they were no doubt the dream presents you all always wanted and never got.  And to think they were just a few feet away in that shiny Mercedes Benz and mean old Dad had to chase them away.  I think that was the year you all got second hand presents, but if I remember correctly they were not bad presents at all.  Funny how a story I heard today triggered that memory and the emotion that went with it, enough to make me want to write about it.
PS in time I got a little second job and the school year ended and Christian school tuition went away never to return again.  Life went back to normal and now all that is left are the memories of being poor for a season.

Daniel and "The Punch"

Now that Noah is getting ready to start daycare, I have been thinking he needs to be prepared to protect himself against bullies or if there aren't any bullies there, he may want to take that role up himself.  Every daycare needs a bully you know.  There are some roles parents are great at teaching, but I have to say I don't think Lisa or Karl are good role models for bullying, they are just too nice.  So while thinking about this subject my mind went back to little Daniel and how he used to protect himself or avenge wrongs to himself such as us turning off the cartoons, taking away his Calvin and Hobbs book when he got too sassy, or denying him his third baloney sandwich. In these and other cases of extreme mistreatment Daniel developed what I would call "The Punch".  The first part of "The Punch" is the indignant rage, and little Daniel had this down pat.  Red face, angry arguing, unwilling to listen to reason- this would all precede "The Punch" so everyone in the room had fair warning before it would happen and could wisely give in to whatever little Daniel wanted to avoid being hit with "The Punch".  Before I describe "The Punch" I need to make a disclaimer- I did not teach it to him, in fact I don't think any of us did, I think Daniel developed this offensive weapon by watching cartoons, probably Popeye with his classic "Windup Punch" gave him great inspiration and I would not discount an angry, out of control Woody Woodpecker from influencing him either.  So "The Punch" for those of you fortunate enough to not have endured it or who did and have blocked the trauma from your mind to survive- I will now explain what it is.  As already stated, first the outrage would build up in little Daniel to something akin to a little human volcano, then because he was such a fair fellow he would warn us we were about the receive severe punishment, this was our last chance to give in to the little guy and save ourselves,  I don't think we ever gave in, but there was always that option.  Next came "The Punch" which was quite dramatic in appearance, Daniel  would start backing away while getting his fist outstretched and ready to do great damage.  He would continue to back up to the furthest corner of the house, so if you were sitting on the living room couch he would probably back all the way up to the far corner of the bathroom.  Once there he would take off in a tear with his fist protruding out like a sled hammer mounted on the front of a speeding freight train.  When this train started down the tracks there was nothing you could do but just sit there and await your punishment.  You could hear the rumble of his feet before you could see the enraged avenger charging at you with protruding fist, red faced, and ready to knock you into the next decade.  Now in actuality the impact was not as great as Daniel's toddler mind imagined, perhaps we would feign hurt in order to keep him from repeating the process while trying to subdue a laugh.  At any rate "The Punch" made a great visual impression and probably to a fellow toddler would have been pretty impactful.  So my suggestion to Daniel and Lisa is that this Christmas during the time to celebrate peace on earth and good tidings to all men Daniel take some one on one time to try to teach Noah "The Punch" just in time for the Holidays.  Noah can practice it on Lisa and Karl for lots of  reasons this season- unwanted naps, healthy foods at dinner time, or lame Christmas presents.  That way he will be in fine form when the new year starts and he heads to daycare.  To make sure "The Punch" has all the impact it can I think Daniel needs to do a little weight training with Noah too, Noah is not heavy enough to pack a big punch yet.  I think Daniel could teach Noah how to open the frig and make sure it is stocked with plenty of baloney for between meal snacks just like Daniel used to have.  It's a beautiful thing when families come together and we learn from each other.

Mom bought me a clock

Years ago I went to visit my Mom and she told me she had bought me a grandfather clock at a yard sale.  I was excited because at that time I was a fan of grandfather clocks and wanted one. Then she told me it only cost her 10 dollars and my excitement level went down a notch or two.  I thought that either she got the deal of a lifetime or there was something lacking in this grandfather clock she bought me.  She told me it was in her mini van and was too heavy and awkward for her to get out so I could go get it out for myself.  When I saw the grandfather clock she got me I was more than disappointed.  Instead of a real clock made from  real cherry or walnut wood with a mechanical mechanism I found a cheap particle board and plastic cased clock with a battery operated clock mechanism.  The sight of that clock triggered my disgust of all the times she bought cheap imitations of something good and thought it was good when it really wasn't.  It also triggered my annoyance with her habit of shopping for things just to boost her mood and then trying to cram everything she owned into her living space and then frequently telling me how unhappy she was with all the clutter around her and how much she would love to have a more open uncluttered home.  Not to mention the fact that getting her to part with anything- junk or otherwise was almost impossible.  Right then and there I decided it was lesson time for Mom,  I was not about to take that cheap grandfather clock out of her van, that clock represented everything I did not like about my Mother and it could sit in her van and rot as far as I was concerned.  So I went back in the house and basically told her the clock was no good, I didn't want it, and I wasn't taking it.  She asked what she should do with it then and I basically told her I didn't care, it was her problem.  I went home annoyed but satisfied that I had finally showed her the error of her way, maybe this would be the turning point when she would stop buying all this junk and start getting rid of it- I could only hope.  A few days later we talked on the phone and she told me the clock was still in her van and she didn't know what to do with it.  I started to feel a little sorry for her so I said I would take it and put it in my garage.  So there it has sat these past 5 or so years just collecting dust and not keeping time because it didn't work when she bought it- did I tell you that yet?  That the stupid thing didn't even work?  As time has gone by (not that the clock could tell you) and Mom has passed away I realized this was a clock with a story and since I hadn't the heart to throw it out yet, perhaps I should fix it and make it at least useful.  This past week I brought it in the house, dusted it off and installed a new battery operated mechanism in it and then put it back out in the garage.  At least now it works.  That is the least this clock can do for me, but it does more- it is a reminder.  It reminds me of my Mom and her flawed ways and it reminds me of me and my flawed ways too, although it seems to me my flawed ways are not nearly as bad as her flawed ways.  Hmm, maybe that is flawed thinking too....  By the way, when Mom died we had a LOT of junk to get rid of, it appears my little lesson did not work.

Daniel tried to kill me

Why am I laying on the porch waiting for an ambulance with a tourniquet on my upper arm, a towel cinched with a belt around a hole in my forearm, surrounded by Daniel's football team, while one of them is praying for me?  You know it is bad when the football team is praying for you.  It all started innocently enough with a football team party in our back yard.  Daniel invited his team over and I and my two sisters put on a hot dog dinner for about 20 guys.  After the meal was done and the food put away one of the players broke out the ice cream bars which he had in a cooler with dry ice.  Eventually the natives became restless, they did a little boxing with Daniel's boxing gloves, went over to Mullaly field for a while then came back and Daniel needed to do something to make the event more memorable.  I was in the house laying down resting after cooking and feeding a bunch of hungry guys and Daniel called me on my cell phone.  He wanted to make a pop bottle bomb, but he didn't call it a bomb, he called it something else- later the state policeman called it a bomb, but I am getting ahead of myself.  The conversation went something like this- "Hey Dad, OK if we make a pop bottle rocket?"  "What's that Daniel?"  "We just take some dry ice, put it in a 2 liter bottle, add some water then throw it into the field and in a minute or two it explodes making a big noise"  "No Daniel, that does not sound safe"  " Oh come on Dad we have done it lots of times- it is safe"  " No, Mrs Bliss will call the police on us"  " No she won't Dad, come on Dad, Trevor and his Dad do these all the time"  " No Daniel it just doesn't sound like a good idea to me"  "Come on please, please Dad?  You can talk to Trevor he will tell you it is safe"  "Well....... OK I will talk to Trevor"  So I go outside and talk to Trevor, now I ask you, why would a grown man think a 16 year old kid could give him good advice on what is safe and what isn't?  Trevor tells me he and his Dad do this a lot and it is perfectly safe.  I decide to trust his judgment- but I will stay out there and supervise just to make sure it is safe.  The trouble is Trevor did not make the pop bottle bomb that day, Daniel made it and Daniel does not know how to make one.  So the first one he put together is a dud, it just sits out in the field and does nothing.  The second one is going to be much better though because he uses  a smaller pop bottle,  and more dry ice than the first one.  I hold the bottle while he puts all the mixture together, and sure enough this one looks good, it is steaming strong as soon as he adds the water.  Then Daniel screws the cap on, I step back while he starts to throw it.  But just as he throws it it explodes and the bottle tears apart and the cap shoots back behind him.  This all happens so quick that I only hear the explosion and I jump from surprise.  But then what is that burning feeling coming from my left forearm?  I look down at my arm and blood is pulsing out of my arm at about the same rate as a heartbeat.  This is not good and I tell someone to call 911.  Josh Glick takes somebody's cloth belt and puts a tourniquet on my upper arm.  Daniel not to be outdone, raps a towel around the gaping hole in my arm and cinches it down with a belt.  I hold my arm above my head to slow the bleeding and head for the porch to wait for the ambulance.  The 911 dispatcher tells Daniel to get the bleeding stopped and he tells them it is, then they tell the ambulance it is a non emergency run since the bleeding is stopped. While waiting on the porch a state policeman shows up and asks me why we are making bottle bombs.  I start to worry that maybe I will need to go to jail right from the emergency room.  But he lectures the guys on being safe and leaves.  He probably doesn't want my blood in the back seat of his car.  I waited on the porch for what seemed like a long time before the "non emergency run" ambulance arrived.  Once the EMT got there he took off the towel around my arm and pulled out the bottle cap that had made almost a perfect hole there.  He also seemed really puzzled that I wasn't bleeding very much.  Once we got in the ambulance and he started cutting off my favorite plaid shirt with scissors he was pretty shocked to see the tourniquet on my upper arm and asked why we hadn't told him about that.  I guess I just didn't think about it.  Once we got to ER about 6 people surrounded me, three on one side trying to figure out how to stop me from bleeding and three on the other side trying to get a blood sample.  I told them they should just switch sides but they didn't.  Turns out I had a ruptured artery in my forearm and it took a couple tries in surgery to get it patched back up.  They stripped a vein near my wrist and used that to put the artery back together again.  The surgery nurse told me a couple weeks later (when she called to see if I wanted to go out on a date of all things- what did I say to her under anesthesia I wonder?) that the first attempt to put it together failed and it came apart when they took the clamps off it.  I ended up in ICU so they could hook me up to monitors and make sure it stayed together and healed OK for a few days.  They also did some skin stretching over the hole so you couldn't see the artery move every time my heart beat.  Later Daniel apologized, I forgave him, he said he needed to be more careful, I said I needed to be better at saying no to him.  All was well.  I got a month off work and my arm is a good as ever.  (By the way I did not go out on the date.)

Lisa goes Catholic

So how does a Baptist girl end up at a Catholic college?  Good question, but like they say if you follow the money you will usually get to the bottom of most things.  For whatever reason Lisa got a full scholarship for Aquinas College in Grand Rapids.  Even though it was a Catholic school the price sounded good to me and she wanted to go there so that was how she ended up at a Catholic college. I also liked the fact that she would be pretty close to home so we could still see her on weekends.   I don't think they were all that religious there anyway so it didn't make a big difference it seemed.  Lisa spent her first two years of at Aquinas and met one of her best friends there- Kara.  But by the time she was a junior she realized Aquinas did not offer what she needed and switched to Western Michigan to get her Music Therapy degree.  It probably was a good thing she got out of Aquinas because she told me later that the head of the college who was new to that position gave too many scholarships away and had to be removed from his position.  Too bad he didn't move over to Western it might have been a better deal for Lisa.  But all in all she got an education much cheaper than at a place like Wheaton and made some good friends to boot.

Daniel and the chainsaw video

So why was a scented candle burning in the kitchen when I got home from work?  Daniel who was studiously practicing piano was home from school when I walked in the door and to my inquiry about the candle just said that it made the house smell better.  Didn't I agree?  Well yes it did make the house smell better but since when did Daniel care about making the house smell better?  He was the human living opposite of a scented candle.  I was instantly suspicious so I started firing questions at him.  Eventually he broke and told the truth.  Seems he had some buddies over and they were making videos on the Mac in the kitchen when Daniel decided that a running chainsaw was just the thing for the video.  It's a wonder he didn't accidentally cut some one's arm off.  Once they all left Daniel realized the smell of the chainsaw running was in the kitchen so thus the scented candle "just to make the house smell better".  I never did see the video, it was probably rated for a more mature audience than me.

Lisa and the disappointing marching band

Why were Ben, Daniel, and I at a motel in Indianapolis waiting for a marching band event that was not going to happen?  Well it all started when Lisa joined the highly acclaimed and successful Reeths-Puffer marching band.  I found out quickly that this was one winning band.  Mr. Hodson had a firm grip on those kids and they worked their butts off for the marching band every year.  This particular year was no exception and good old R-P won top state honors in their division again.  I was very impressed.  I had previously joined the old man's club sitting around lamenting the general lack of discipline, poor work ethic, and low moral character of today's youth when Mr. Hodson and the marching band blew those assumptions out of the water.  After the regular marching band competitions in Michigan the band was headed to Indianapolis to compete at a national level.  I decided Daniel and I would go down and watch and invited Ben along too.  We drove down and got a motel room in plenty of time for the second round of competition but we didn't have much information and this was early cell phone days so we were having some trouble getting information from Lisa as to when and where the next competition would be.  Finally we got through from the motel room phone to some one's cell phone who was near Lisa and found out they did not score enough points to go on to the next level of competition.  I never expected that, I thought the band was almost guaranteed to win every time they stepped out on the field.  Little did I know that the rest of the country had good bands too.  So we took stock of our situation, decided to drive over to Terre Haute where Ben and I could see the old town where we used to live and then head home, oh course Daniel came along to see how many fast food joints he could get me to stop at since he was not a natural born Hoosier.  It was another lesson in don't count your chickens before they hatch.